The Money Stories We Inherited Before We Could Speak
Before we understood what money was, we were already learning how to feel about it. Shame, fear, scarcity, control, hyper-independence, so many of the money patterns we carry as adults were never ours to begin with. They were inherited, passed down as the price of belonging. The good news is that what was inherited can be named, and what can be named can be changed. I unpacked this through the lens of Family Constellations, and what it's taught me as a money coach
Laura Cano
8/25/20261 min read
Long before we understood what money was, we were already learning how to feel about it.
As children we absorb what's said and what's never said in our families. What can't be named becomes what we learn to avoid. Belonging to our family often means staying loyal to its unspoken rules, we carry those rules into adulthood without ever choosing them.
This is one of the ideas of Systemic (or Family) Constellations, a methodology developed by Bert Hellinger that looks at how family history, dynamics, and unresolved experiences from past generations continue to shape how we think, feel, and act in the present. It's a tool I've used in my own personal growth for years and shows up in the work I do as a money coach.
When it comes to money, these inherited patterns often show up as shame, guilt, fear, a sense of not deserving, scarcity, secrecy, control, hyper-independence, or an unrelenting need for safety. None of these were invented by us, they were passed down to us.
Not all of these patterns are unhelpful, some served your family well. However, as adults, we get to choose which ones still serve us and which ones we're ready to put down.
The first step is naming what's there. Not to judge it, and not to excuse harmful behaviour, but to bring it into awareness. When we can name an experience clearly and without shame, we take back the power to give it new meaning.
In my experience, it usually starts as a quiet discomfort, a sense that something needs to shift, without quite having the words for it yet. That's exactly where I come in. As a money coach, I help you find the root of the pattern and build new ones from a place of awareness and confidence in a space free of judgement, because every experience that shaped you deserves to be heard.
If you've been feeling that quiet sense that something can be different, I'd love to hear from you.
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